May I introduce you to Pain?

Hello Pain.

It seems you have finally taken up residence in my body. I did not invite you, nor do I welcome you.

When you first knocked on my door I hid behind the sofa and ignored you, which seemed to work as you soon left. I thought it was safe to come out again but you hadn’t left my doorstep after all. You had cleverly hidden from me, so when I finally opened the door you leapt passed me and boldly, unapologetically, sat in my comfiest chair.

I still tried to ignore you.

You’d wake me up in the night and taunt me as I tried to go about my day as if you weren’t there at all. But you got worse.

The more I ignored you the worse you became Pain. I noticed you invited your friends over, Cramp and Fatigue. I came home one day only to find you had moved your stuff in, so you were no longer on my comfiest chair but also spreading onto my sofa and spilling over into the kitchen.

But I am stubborn, Pain. I am. I am far too busy to even acknowledge you are now impacting on my life on a daily basis. I can go on and continue to do all those things I love doing regardless. Especially, as I know I am going on holiday, so I will be out of my daily routine and you, and your friends, won’t know what to do with yourselves. You, Cramp and Fatigue will all move out whilst I’m away and go and be a nuisance elsewhere.

I thought I had been clever. I thought that would do the trick. I thought seeing my good friend, Foam Roller, whilst on holiday would finally rid myself of Pain, Cramp and Fatigue. But I was wrong.

When I returned from holiday you were there. Your friends had popped out for now but you warned me they would return…but you, Pain, you had never left. Because you’re patient, Pain. You may sometimes hide under the stairs or behind a curtain, but it’s just a game. You thrive on the fact I try and ignore you; it gives you strength, rather than exploit any weakness.

But I won’t let you win, Pain. I won’t let you, or your friends take up permanent residence in my house, because I have a new plan. A plan I should have put into action months ago. A plan that would have had you running down the street, and for the hills, quicker than a quick thing.

I decide to acknowledge you.

I comment on the changes you’ve made to my house. I invite you and your friends to have dinner with me so we can really get to know each other properly, after all this time. This unnerves you. You’re so used to being ignored my attention makes you uncomfortable. I even start inviting my friend, Foam Roller over on a daily basis so you two can be properly acquainted.

And this is all going so well because Cramp and Fatigue have already given up and left. So it really is just you and me again Pain. But I know how stubborn you are. The charms of Foam Roller have worn off, you see through my friend and you stay put.

So I finally invite round two of my oldest friends. Friends that I haven’t seen for a while, but the type of friends that will always be there when I really need help. Months may have passed since I last saw them last but that doesn’t matter. A phone call later and they are at my door.

May I introduce to you, Pain, to my dear friends Remedial Massage and Physiotherapy.

You weren’t prepared for them were you?! I knew it. You can’t stand either of them and I see it on your face as soon as you meet each other. They make no secret of the fact that they hate you, Pain. They don’t like want you’ve done to my house. They want you out. Now.

I see you resisting at first, and I actually commend you on your persistence. But Remedial Massage and Physiotherapy are clearly too much for the likes of you. My house is put back to the way it was and you’re shown the door pretty sharpish. After a quick hesitation, and look back, you finally decide to leave…hopefully once and for all.

But Remedial Massage and Physiotherapy know how devious you are, Pain. They explain to me they should visit on a regular basis to ensure you never return because they know only too well that you’re always lurking round the corner; waiting and hoping to get into my house again.

I try and reassure Remedial Massage and Physiotherapy that I’m fine and not to worry so much about me. I say I’ll catch up with them again soon. No let’s not put a date in the diary, I’ll give them a call when I have the time.

And then they leave, both with worried looks on their faces because they know you only too well. I have underestimated you Pain. Because there you lurk…just around the corner.