The Racing Bug...Have You Been Bitten?
Monday, May 17, 2010 at 2:20PM It's been a while since I was in the flow of blogging. So many topics to cover and deciding which would provide the most interesting reading changes so frequently that I then commit to nothing. For this I apologise.
However, at last I find myself in my favourite place to blog (and by favourite place I mean headspace as well as my physical location!). For those you who know me, even a little, you'll picture me typing away in Costa, latte in a takeaway cup, Blackberry to one side and diary open (ready to pencil in potential clients for the next week with any luck!). In terms of my headspace, I've tried several times to update my blog but struggling to find the words. Today, however, I feel back in the game and will hopefully produce something that wants to be read.
What has caused this change you may wonder? Easy question to answer...enter a slight change in my work-life balance. That is, I seem to be making time for "life"!
For the last year or so my passion for running has stayed on a treadmill. After completing the London Marathon for the third time in 2008 (sorry, a little boost for my ego there!) I decided that my marathon days were done and I would stick to shorter distances...after all I'd been there, got the t-shirt several times! Looking back over my 'racing' years (and I use the term 'racing' very loosely here; I've done a handful of half marathons and three marathons, I wouldn't call myself a 'racer' by any means!) I seem to be stuck in a pattern. Every two years my body seems ready to enter races again and my competitive runners' streak seems to rear it's ugly head. And it really is ugly.
The pressure I put on myself to achieve decent times and smash previous personal bests is ridiculous. The nerves kick in easily a good five to seven days before race day. Sleep is unsettled the night before and I'm plagued by thoughts such as "Have I done enough training?", "What if I can't do it?", "What if I'm really slow?". This last question is the one that is the most problematic for me:
"What if I am slower than the last time I ran the same distance?"
To many people this is a crazy question to be worried about. Just running the race and finishing is an achievement in itself. And I get that. But, if you race regularly I think you'll agree, it's all about the time. Those few seconds faster or slower, which can make the difference between exhilaration or sheer defeat when crossing the finish line.
I remember completing my first half marathon in 2003; The Great West Run. No expectations other than to finish. I had zero racing experience, and I train alone so I had absolutely no idea whether I was any good. I just wanted to be fit and healthy; and running has always felt the hardest thing for me to do, which is then why I love it so much. It's also the fastest way to change body shape (let's be honest here, there's an element of wanting to look good as well as feeling great when we workout). So when I came in at 1:50 I was beside myself with joy.
If you're new to half marathons you'll always aim for the 2hour mark. First time marathon runner, you'll aim for 4hours. I cannot begin to describe how I felt after that first race. Elation doesn't come close. I couldn't stop grinning for the rest of the day, and by the time I came to flopping into bed I think my faced ached!
I had done it. Not just the race...I had caught the bug. Stronger than any drug you can imagine, I wanted to feel like this again and again. And so it begins. I entered the London Marathon wanting to run further, faster and discover just exactly what I was capable of. And so in April 2004 I found myself, a nervous wreck, at the start line of my first marathon.
And what happened? Disaster. I had aimed for 4hours (and who knows perhaps faster?!) so when I crossed the finish line and discovered my time was 4:15 I was gutted. No endorphin rush, so sense of achievement. Just pain, stiffness and overwhelming disappointment. This wasn't what I was expecting at all! It also rained constantly so I was cold and wet and...well it was all rubbish as far as I was concerned!
Relating how I felt on that day is a little embarassing. I am now aware that for a first time marathon that's a good time, but I had so wanted to finish in 4hours. I wanted (and I realise this is all about the ego!) but I wanted to feel elite in some way and this time didn't make me feel that at all. So, what to do? Enter again. I needed my 'hit' more than ever. Once you've experienced it there's simply no question.
Half marathon times were doing well. I completed the Cheddar half in 1:47 (it was a PB, good enough for me) so I had my fix there. But I didn't get into the London in 2005. Gutted. To be fair the 2004 entry had been a fluke (a charity runner had dropped out and I was offered their place at the beginning of March 2004 and needless to say I took it without any hesitation). But then I was pulled out of the ballot in 2006 - result!
That year was a turning point for me. I had more experience, more training, more confidence. I came in at 3:45 for the marathon and proceeded to smash my PB for a half marathon two weeks later with 1:45! I was on fire! And I had proved myself as a decent runner. Not just a jogger anymore, but someone who could hold their own in races and actually achieve a decent time. Ego restored. No one could take those times away from me (or the medals for that matter!) so once again I was drunk on endorphins and pride. Is that terrible? Possibly, but it's honest.
Suddenly in 2007 I was faced with a new dilemma. I'd had such a good year in 2006 did I want to risk entering races and being unable to achieve the same times or faster? As fate would have it I unfortunately fell rather ill and the medication I had to take prevented me from outdoor running anyway: I was treadmill bound. And so began the love affair with the treadmill. An affair so intense that I soon began to doubt whether I could run outside at all anymore. Here I was safe, I was fast, I was unbeatable. On the treadmill I could try (and usually succeed) in beating my time every time. It was uncredible. I raced only myself trying to see how far I could run in half an hour: the belt wurring, music pounding, sweating profusely (really...not a good look!). Half an hour was soon replaced by distance: how fast could I run 10k on a treadmill? It's this new love affair that still continues today...
Time passed, I was off the meds but I was not off the treadmill. I recieved news that I had a place in the 2008 London Marathon but I was so involved with the treadmill that I wasn't interested. The racing bug had been flushed out of my system, but I still felt the need to justify why I didn't want to run: "too much impact for my joints", "not enough time to put in for the training" etc etc. But the truth is I was scared. I hadn't done any real road running for nearly two years. I couldn't do it anymore and if I did, there was no way I would get a good time. There would really be no point in running the race as far as I was concerned. It would be a repeat of the 2004 marathon and I really had no desire to put myself through that again!
But then I started massaging clients that were running the marathon. I started to feed off their excitment about the day that lay ahead. I listened to their training routines and in turn shared what little racing experience I had. It was soon out of control. It turned out that I wasn't immune from the racing bug after all. I missed it desperately. So with six weeks to go, I decided to run the 2008 London Marathon...and not tell anyone!
Insane? Yes. I told a couple of close friends and my parents. No need to get excited, it was merely an experiment. Could I do it? Don't aim for a time, Steph, simply get round. So three weeks to race day I completed an 11mile outdoor run just to see how it felt. Not bad. But clearly only 11miles, I must be mad!
Race day. Thousands of runners and yet I was so alone. No one there to support me, cheer me on or meet me if I completed the race. Silly girl, what was I thinking?! But I knew what I was thinking. Imagine...completing the marathon with no marathon training; now that makes me a nutter, and I quite liked that! But not only did I complete the race I came in at 3:55! Seriously, sub 4hours with no real training. Now that was something to celebrate. The only occasion I'd run a race slower than a previous race and felt just as elated, ecstatic. No...overwhelmed.
That's it. That's the high like no other. But that's where I wanted to leave it. Three marathons, job done. The treadmill greeted me with open arms (despite my slight road infidelity) and I was back in the zone. Or so I thought...
But two years later and I'm here again. Not at the start line of the London Marathon, but I've caught the racing bug again. It started with the Kingston Breakfast Run. 16miles, third outdoor run in two years, what time could I possibly achieve? 2:05 was what I achieved. Again, how is that possible?! It's there, recorded in black and white. It's still so odd seeing a certain time with my name next to it but the confirmation is essential, otherwise I wouldn't believe it was real. So what's next?
Yesterday I completed the Richmond Half Marathon in 1:38, smashing my 1:45 2006 PB out the park. I'm overwhelmed that my body can do this. I have entered another five races this year, including the Dublin marathon in October. I must be crazy.
You must be thinking I'm fairly fit. Yes I am, but to be honest, I'm not a 'built' runner. I find running really hard so I can testify that to complete any race, in any time, is at least a 90% mental process. I'm just stubborn! Your body comes second to what your brain wants it to achieve 99.9% of the time. You can train your body to do anything, how amazing is that?
I've had several new clients this year who have seduced me with their own race enthusiasm. I have made good friends who share the same drive to feel that incredible high, knowing that, when standing at the start line there is no guarantee that this race will be the race to give you that buzz. That's the risk you take...
If you wanna catch the racing bug here's my line up for this year, you're welcome to join me:
St Albans Half Marathon 13th June
Windsor Half Marathon 26th Sept
Cabbage Patch 10 17th Oct
Dublin Marathon 25th Oct
Reader Comments (2)
Great to see you have your enthusiasm for running back! Not being much of a runner myself (a 5km run being the max so far) I do understand your pains and determination. Living with someone who did his first marathon 3 years ago in just under 4hours and also got the bug, I understand the need to push yourself that bit harder each time and go for a personal best.
It is also infectious as I have now committed myself to a 10km run and realise that I have still yet to start any training. So this is a good reminder to put on the trainers and get back fall back in love with the treadmill myself! Thanks Steph.
It is also infectious as I have now committed myself to a 10km run and realise that I have still yet to start any training. So this is a good reminder to put on the trainers and get back fall back in love with the treadmill myself! Thanks Steph.-Tissot Stylis-T Swiss made watches